STRIPLV0317

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Striplv Magazine - The Sexiest Magazine on the Planet, Issue 0217

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This past fall I made a major life change, I got married, to a wonderful man who, despite his outwardly conservative lifestyle (AKA a Republican) supports and loves me in every way possible. Before I met and fell in love with David, my soulmate, if you believe in soul mates, I had a career in the adult entertainment industry. It was a love that no man could take the place of. Lucky for me, David understands that and is happy to share me with my career and is confident enough not to even try to compete. So, we got married on October 9 at the Women’s National Republican Club, and the guests were a mix of family, friends, and porn stars. Mia Isabella, one of my very first clients who came aboard the Miss Lainie Train when I started my own publicity boutique, was my bridesmaid, and other porn stars in attendance were Richelle Ryan, Kelli Provocateur, Natassia Dreams, Nadia Ali, and retired porn stars Lisa Ann (who now hosts a fantasy sports show on SiriusXM, Lisa Ann Does Fantasy) and Alia Janine, who is now a stand-up comedian and podcaster. I also had some dear friends from the School of Visual Arts, my alma mater, who I haven’t seen in quite some time. We all got our BA in journalism together, and they all went on to respectable, successful careers, one working at The New York Times. I got into the porn industry six months after graduation, and while they were all highly amused by my choice of vocation, I don’t think they thought I would still be doing it 25 years later. One college friend even asked, “Now that Lainie is married do you think she will stay in the life?” My answer is hell to the yes! I will remain a porn publicist as long as I enjoy it; as long as it stays exciting, challenging, and rewarding. And based on my current client list, I don’t see that ending anytime soon. The phrase, “The Life,” reminds me of those HBO Hunt’s Point hooker documentaries that are narrated by a smooth talking, African-American baritone. But if that’s how some people see me, so be it, I don’t care. I am a hooker; I love hooking people up with fabulousness. I make people smile. I am a temporary oasis for life’s doldrums, and when me and my clients blow into town I feel like the Good Humor Man, everyone wants a taste of something refreshing and sweet. Right now, I’m not even thinking about life after porn, but that doesn’t mean other people aren’t. You may have heard of a documentary called, After Porn Ends where retired porn stars are profiled on what they are doing now. I watched a little bit of the first one on Netflix; it featured Seka, Asia Carrera, Mary Carey, Amber Lynn, and other notable legends from the industry. I only watched a little bit because quite frankly as someone who works behind the scenes in it I found it a bit dull and depressing, although I know to civilians it was well done and fascinating. And due to popular demand, there’s a sequel, After Porn Ends 2, featuring more people whom I know well: Lisa Ann, Brittany Andrews, Tabitha Stevens as well as the notorious icons Ginger Lynn, Janine Lindemulder, Georgina Spelvin, and Chasey Lain. I’m sure it’s going to do as well as the first one, if not even better, and I will watch more of it because I love watching Lisa, Brittany, and Tabitha in interviews. And these three ladies have moved on completely. Lisa Ann aside from her sports radio career released her memoirs, ironically called The Life, and it’s a super fun, informative read, Brittany Andrews is a successful club DJ, and Tabitha works in mainstream entertainment production. I’m proud of them all, not because they left the industry and are successful, but because they did it on their own terms and chose careers they genuinely loved. Success is happiness, after all. The best porn stars for me are like athletes, it’s a career based on your physical talents and charisma, but it’s got an expiration date due to its severe demands. There are not many athletes who can continue pounding it out on the field after a certain age. And even for myself as a publicist, will I have the same energy to go on a three-day media tour where the days start at 4 am and end at 11 pm in five years? I can still do it thanks to the help of sugar-free Redbull, but recovery time gets longer and longer. When the younger clients who are over 20 years my junior ever complain of fatigue I remind them that my old ass is doing this with them, and I cringe because I sound like my Mom when she used to say, “If you’re tired now, how are you going to feel when you’re my age?” But young people never really think of the future, so it goes on deaf ears, or at best, I get a laugh or a, “What were you like when you were young, um, I mean younger?” I tell them the same only louder and dumber. The day I watched the preview on YouTube to “After Porn Ends 2,” I got a call from a former client who recently graduated from law school. I won’t reveal her name, but she’s a gorgeous ash blond with a tight little body and a sharp mind. We hadn’t seen each other in about five years, and I love it when my “kids” care enough to call and say hello. They want me to know what’s been going on, what they’ve accomplished and perhaps get a little homespun advice from the person who believed in them as much as any parent or mentor could. Vixen-Lawyer and I caught up for an hour or so. I told her about how the business is going, she told me about graduating law school, I told her I got married, she told me she met a wonderful man in law school, I told her I’m so glad she found someone age appropriate, she told me she’s glad I found someone who doesn’t bore me. Then she voiced some concern about her future: what would happen if her coworkers in the law firm did some digging and found choice footage of her on Pornhub or Hamster (because we assume like the rest of the world, they would not be paying for the porn). “Should I just tell the bosses right away, just full disclosure and beat them to the punch,” she asked. “Do you think it’s going to be a problem?” A problem, no, a distraction yes. And distractions can cause problems if you let them. I’m from the school of, “It’s Only as Bad as You Make It,” way of thinking. If you act like it’s a big deal, it will only further encourage people from talking and sharing your clips on their phones. The truth is there are many, many former porn stars who have left the business to lead perfectly tranquil, low-key lives but you don’t hear that much about them because they don’t ask for the attention. There are plenty of housewives and PTA Moms who engaged in on-screen double penetration out there, believe me. What did they do? They shut down their stage name social media and laid low without having to get a breast reduction. It can be as simple as that in this attention deficit disorder day and age, out of sight truly can be out of mind. If you behave like you have something to hide, people will pick up on that, and you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, it’s not like you’re an ex-con with a record. I keep in touch with former porn stars and centerfolds who now sell real estate, own businesses, are getting degrees or have devoted themselves to raising a family. Peacefully. I told Vixen Lawyer to play it by ear and not say anything unless she feels it’s suddenly on the radar of a coworker or a client. The best thing to do is to prove yourself as a kickass attorney, be professional, reliable and indispensable, so if the shit hits the gossip fan, you will have a support system already in place. The work, your behavior, your example, will indeed speak for itself. We had a nice chat, and then when we got off the phone, she sent me photos of herself with her boyfriend on the beach, and yes, she’s as hot and as lovely as ever. I am not daring to say that it’s so easy to cross over. As Lisa Ann once said in an interview on www.thisis50.com, nothing worth having is ever easy, and it always involves hard work. When you are a performer like Lisa who kept her stage name and used her immense popularity of being the number one porn star in the world to her advantage, you have to take the good with the bad. It’s not that easy to be taken seriously, but Lisa continues to prove herself as a sportscasting dynamo, she works her ass off and turns a deaf ear to smarmy comments about her past vocation, in order to succeed, she has to. Whether her feelings get hurt as a result of being the topic of locker room talk is another story, but she keeps that under wraps, keeps her head held high and marches forward. My comedian client, retired porn star Alia Janine, has taken this struggle to the stage and says, “This is what we look like when we’re not covered in come,” and “I have to tell people what I used to, just like a sex offender.” Of course, being a former porn star has its advantages, it’s a compelling story, to say the least, and it has gotten her plenty of positive press, such as The Huffington Post calling her, “The Funniest Porn Star on Earth.” But I still feel for her. When she goes on stage, and the audience asks, “Are your boobs real?” or when other comedians pull out their phone while she’s on stage and Google her, that’s awkward. Or when radio or podcast hosts pull up her porn during the interview and Alia keeps talking and engaging, while watching and hearing herself fuck. It’s a double-edged sword, what makes you stand out in a crowd is also what keeps you from being taken seriously. But that need for the spotlight and to entertain and succeed eventually overrides her and Lisa’s anxiety in the end. They know they are the real deal and that will keep propelling them forward. As for me, I know when I’ve got it good. I don’t plan on retiring from work, period because working keeps me a well-behaved, model citizen, and as long as there are dreams to be made come true, porn’s fairy godmother will continue to waive her wand and go, “Bibbety, Bobbity, Boo!” . watching Lisa, Brittany, and Tabitha in interviews. These three ladies have all moved on completely. Lisa Ann , in addition to her sports radio career, released her memoirs, ironically called The Life, and it’s a super fun, informative read. Brittany Andrews is a successful club DJ, and Tabitha works in mainstream entertainment production. I’m proud of them all, not because they left the industry and are successful, but because they did it on their own terms and chose careers they genuinely loved. Success is happiness, after all. The best porn stars for me are like athletes: it’s a career based on your physical talents and charisma, but it’s got an expiration date due to its severe demands. There are not many athletes who can continue pounding it out on the field after a certain age. And even for myself as a publicist, will I have the same energy to go on a three-day media tour where the days start at 4 a.m. and end at 11 p.m. in five years? I can still do it thanks to the help of sugar-free Redbull, but recovery time gets longer and longer. When the younger clients who are over 20 years my junior ever complain of fatigue I remind them that my old ass is doing this with them, and I cringe because I sound like my mom when she used to say, “If you’re tired now, how are you going to feel when you’re my age?” But young people never really think of the future, so it goes on deaf ears. Best, I get a laugh or a, “What were you like when you were young, um, I mean younger?” I tell them the same only louder and dumber. The day I watched the preview on YouTube for After Porn Ends 2, I got a call from a former client who recently graduated from law school. I won’t reveal her name, but she’s a gorgeous ash blond with a tight little body and a sharp mind. We hadn’t seen each other in about five years, and I love it when my “kids” care enough to call and say hello. They want me to know what’s been going on, what they’ve accomplished and perhaps get a little homespun advice from the person who believed in them as much as any parent or mentor could. Vixen-Lawyer and I caught up for an hour or so. I told her about how the business is going, she told me about graduating law school, I told her I got married, she told me she met a wonderful man in law school, I told her I’m so glad she found someone age appropriate, she told me she’s glad I found someone who doesn’t bore me. Then she voiced some concern about her future: What would happen if her coworkers in the law firm did some digging and found choice footage of her on Pornhub or Hamster (because we assume like the rest of the world, they would not be paying for the porn). “Should I just tell the bosses right away, just full disclosure and beat them to the punch,” she asked. “Do you think it’s going to be a problem?” A problem, no; a distraction yes. And distractions can cause problems if you let them. I’m from the school of, “It’s Only as Bad as You Make It,” way of thinking. If you act like it’s a big deal, it will only further encourage people from talking and sharing your clips on their phones. The truth is there are many, many former porn stars who have left the business to lead perfectly tranquil, low-key lives but you don’t hear that much about them because they don’t ask for the attention. There are plenty of housewives and PTA moms who engaged in on-screen double penetration out there, believe me. What did they do? They shut down their stage name social media and laid low without having to get a breast reduction. It can be as simple as that in this attention deficit disorder day and age, out of sight truly can be out of mind. If you behave like you have something to hide, people will pick up on that, and you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of— it’s not like you’re an ex-con with a record. I keep in touch with former porn stars and centerfolds who now sell real estate, own businesses, are getting degrees, or have devoted themselves to raising a family peacefully.

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