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Striplv Magazine - The Sexiest Magazine on the Planet, Issue 0717

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Love Thy Self By Lainie Speiser Some years ago, my Dad told me a story about when his brother went to marriage counseling with his first wife. He had been unfaithful, and they were trying to move forward from his infidelities. His brother told the marriage counselor that his wife was not having sex with him, and that was the reason he had went outside the marriage, and his wife said, she was hurt and angry with him and could not possibly have sex with him while she was still feeling this way. The counselor asked my Uncle, “Have you tried masturbating instead?” To which my father laughed his ass off, and supposedly his brother had joined in on the laughter when he told him this. “Can you imagine expecting a grown, married man doing that instead of having sex? That’s ridiculous,” my Dad said to me. So that pretty much sums up how my family saw masturbation. Not as a shameful activity, but an activity you do when you couldn’t possibly get laid, which is ridiculous. Because no matter how much sex I’ve had, I still enjoy having sex with myself the most. As Woody Allen said in the legendary movie Annie Hall, “Don’t knock masturbation, it’s sex with someone I love.” I agree with that wholeheartedly. My last column was about being cool with your partner watching porn, so I thought I’d take this column even further and talk about the joys and pitfalls of adults who masturbate on a regular basis, and not necessarily while watching porn or using visual aids. Nothing is more “me time” than spending precious minutes alone with yourself getting off. I have masturbated to wake up, I’ve masturbated to go to sleep, I’ve masturbated instead of cleaning the house or working, which I call “procrasturbation,” I’ve masturbated to relieve boredom and of course I masturbated because I was just plain horny. I’ve masturbated in places that were not my home, like my favorite bathroom stall at work (of course I picked a time that I knew was light traffic time), I’ve masturbated in an airplane bathrooms many, many times, I’ve masturbated in other people’s homes and I once masturbated in the bathroom of a recording studio. I don’t remember why now, but something set me off. There was a time I did it pretty much anywhere there was a bathroom in fact. When you know your body well as I do mine, it doesn’t take too long. In fact, I’ve masturbated many times during TV commercial breaks, and I was done before my program came back on. Having an orgasm is one of the healthiest things you can do for your body. I’ve read it helps prevent colon cancer for men, and I like to think it can help women’s health too in body, mind and spirit. It clears your brain, it relaxes you, it breaks the tension, it soothes your nerves, and it keeps the cobwebs away. I’ve masturbated while my partner has been deeply sleeping right next to me. Sometimes you want to get off without making physical contact with anyone but yourself. No muss, no fuss. One time I masturbated while watching a movie with

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