Striplv Magazine - The Sexiest Magazine on the Planet, Issue 0817

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CONFESSIONS OF A CRAIG LUSTER By Lainie Speiser The other day I had to go to Craigslist to put out an ad for the podcast I rep, The SDR Show. We are looking for ladies who will walk around Union Square Park topless with The SDR Show logo across their brave boobies, and I got nostalgic for my days when I used CL to satisfy my need for sexual adventure. I did it so often in fact that my friends started to worry that my life would be ended by the Craigslist killer, which I told them that would never happen because I’m not a victim type or a hooker. Nope, even though I should have been paid for my excellent performances I never charged anyone a dime, unless you consider cocktails and the occasional request to bring a large pepperoni pizza to my home payment. These were the days before everyone started swiping right and left on their phones aka Tinder and when you had to sit at a computer to get some delicious, objectifying sex with a stranger. Now when I hear people talk about Tinder, I point out how I believe 80% of the men and women who are swiping are probably sitting on the toilet taking a big dump while they scan for partners and that idea is not appetizing to me. I don’t know how I started using Craigslist as my own personal single’s bar, but I do know when I left Penthouse Magazine the office manager must have found a lot of dirty emails and dick pics on their hard drive. What can I say? Some people enjoy taking a break by looking at cuddly, cute cat videos on YouTube, but I found my oasis by planning lunch time nookie for myself. Nothing scary or bad ever happened to me from meeting strangers, like Anne Frank, I have a firm belief that most people are good. I also am good at reading people, even via emails, and never got hurt, conned or catfished, except for the one time I was sent a photo of a cute, geeky white guy sitting at his computer, but when I met him at Starbucks I discovered he was a geeky, middle-aged, bad moustache wearing immigrant from India wearing a wedding ring. “Absolutely not,” I said when he introduced himself, and turned around and left. He later sent me an email saying I was even prettier in person and thanked me for not leading him on. “Leading YOU on?” I wrote, “How the heck in god’s green earth did you think you could get away with this? Did you think I’d forget you sent me a photo of someone who was not you?” Now you can take these photos and do a Google search to find out if the person is legit, of course. But even when that happened, I didn’t get angry. It’s all part of the gamble, and the odds for a woman on Craigslist back then were in her favor. It was a veritable boy buffet, and when I didn’t see anything I liked I would post (without my photo) what I was looking for: a big, blonde corn-fed boy next door, a long hair hippie with an edge, an older, bolder, DILF going through a divorce, whatever I was in the mood for, and I would always get a ton of responses. It was thrilling to see who was going to respond; that was a lot of allure. Of course, I’d meet men organically too, walking down the street, at parties or bars, but those men were no better than the ones I met online, and the experiences tended to be boring, the dates tedious with me at times thinking, “I’d rather be home eating wings and watching True Blood” (to give you a sense of the timeline). Back then people thought all you met were uglies, losers, weirdos, and murderers on such a forum, but except for the weirdos, and I’m just generally a weirdo magnet, none of that was true. I remember meeting one man during my lunch hour who looked like a movie star, tall, blonde, built, gorgeous face – and he was nice too. He opened the door wearing a Brooks Brothers bathrobe and a big smile, we had a lot of fun, and afterward, his pillow talk was giving me some pointers for doing this. “You have a nice body, you should send photos where we can see it,” he said. “That way they know you’re not a beast and will reply faster.” While women are scared the men

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