Striplv Magazine - The Sexiest Magazine on the Planet, Issue 0917

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women, I have a friend back home who loves Asian women. I could never really get into them, but as they say, “when in Rome.”  I now understand the fascination for Asian women.   It gets pretty exhausting traveling from club to club to club. The 10 steps in between each one was just too exhausting, so it was time to grab a girl, grab a cab, take her back home, have sex and call it a night! Of course, we forgot what club my 32-year-old worked, so we put on our Sherlock Holmes face and went on a trek to find the Holy Grail. Or was that put on our Indiana Jones hat in search of the Holy Grail? Not important, you get the drift. I found her; her name was May (yes I know, she probably made it up, but it was a better than October), we fell in love instantly. We locked lover’s eyes. I’m very particular in my choice of women. It has to be the right body, right height, right breasts, right ass, right lips, right smile, right face. My buddy picked up some young hot chick in about 10 seconds (he’s into quantity), not a bad choice considering the time he spent looking.   May told her sister (the older ugly waitress, did I forget to mention her?) that she would not be gone long and that we were going to a shithole hotel (probably owned by a friend, similar to my buddy’s place, only worse) at the end of the street for a quickie (this was all in Thai and we don’t speak Thai). When we got into a taxi, she was quite upset, but it was either: put out at The Palace (my hotel), or get out! Of course, at this exact moment in time, my baby from the previous night calls me on the phone begging me to come and get her from work (which consists of swaying side to side with 100 other girls on a stage. Who would blame her?) I think that May got a little jealous when I said the word “Baby,” and reluctantly got into the cab. May was not into group sex (like the group from the previous night) so it just became a very private close encounter of the third kind.  However, there was a huge obstacle that occurred. Let me explain this from their point of view. Asian women love Asian men because of their small size. They slide in easy, come quick, and 10 minutes later, the girls can leave. A quick DISCLAIMER: this is not to say that all Asian men are small. Some of my best friends are Asian porn stars, and they can go toe to toe with the best of them. However, the small size was not the case with my buddy and me. To them, we were like Godzilla, a monster that they could only tame with their golden throats (am I mixing this up with King Kong? I could never get the two of them straight). For if Godzilla entered the cave, well, you saw the movie didn’t you? For all of you that didn’t, Godzilla enters New York City and destroys all the skyscrapers. Did anyone ever ask the skyscrapers if that hurt?  Poor thing was in so much pain, she could barely speak, let alone walk. You do understand the analogy, don’t you? I felt terrible because I caused the destruction of New York City, and I still had an arsenal of weapons that I had yet to fire! So being the person that I am, I carried her limp body to the lobby, waited for the taxi to arrive, brought her all the way back to the club, hopped into another cab and headed back to Nana Plaza. What? You actually think that I’d head back to my hotel room? I’ve got weapons loaded and there are more monsters out there! It’s closing time at most bars when I get hit by a mob leaving the area (just like trying to walk in the wrong direction when the stadium lets out). I search frantically for my loved one (last night’s conquest) but all I see far and wide are ladyboys. So, I have to make a quick decision. Eat some shit food on the street while looking for my baby, or grab a taxi and head back to the hotel. If you remember, I am trying to lose 20 pounds, so the decision was easy.   It’s 4 a.m., I’m asleep having a wonderful dream (as I could tell by the pup tent in my sheets) when my phone rings. It’s my baby. She’s back at her apartment and asked what happened to me. I explained that I was there, but couldn’t find her in the crowd. Our cell phones don’t work one block off the main road. (Hey, it’s Thailand.) We setup a date for the next evening, very early, and if all goes well, it will be a battle between Mothra and Godzilla that will soon to be remembered. Of course, she doesn’t speak very good English, and I speak no Thai, so we could have been talking about the upcoming election or erection or whatever. Chapter 3 I forgot where I was; it must have been the sleep deprivation. Oh yeah, I think I remember. Well, it’s another night and we decided to switch off of our alternating between Nana Plaza and Soi Cowboy, so we just said, “Fuck it,” and headed off to Nana Plaza, since it was closer and the road heads off in that direction (if we were in the U.S., following the same course of action, we’d be heading to Soi Cowboy. But in Thailand, they drive on the opposite side of the road). We first hit a bar called Spanky’s, located on the second floor. The reason why they call it Spanky’s is because they hit you with a folded over tube of pipe insulation (you know, the stuff you buy at Lowe’s or Home Depot to keep your pipes from freezing during the winter) and it makes a whipping sound like the snap of a rope the lion tamer uses at the circus. I always wondered why Lowe’s is out of stock during the summer months. Now I know where it ends up! Spanky’s, being a smaller bar, (the stage only holds about 20 girls, 40 if they’re performing their cheerleading routine), tends to do these specialty shows. Up to four girls do some type of act. This one was a hot lesbian act (however, I don’t believe that this one was an act) where one girl would strip and lick the other girl everywhere on her body, including the areas that weren’t visible (which is why I believe it was real), bring her to climax, and then it was repeated onto the girl still clothed). Ok, I know what you’re saying. We’ve seen that before in a hotel room, but this was actually choreographed! The girls stripped, licked and even climaxed all at the same time! Like when the elephants turn around during the center ring at the circus, totally choreographed! As with most shows, the star is usually the hottest girl in the show.After all, no star wants to be upstaged by a chorus line dancer. And since we’re going large in Bangkok, throwing Benji-bahts (that’s a Thai Benjamin... 100 bahts, or USD $3.33), we were not willing to accept just any chorus line girl. Of course, my buddy still had his high school age rule in effect.  The star of the show looked young enough (we find out later that she’s actually 25, with a four-year-old), so we picked her up and then proceed onto other clubs, using her as bait to catch other fish. Oh wait, back up. I almost forgot. There was this really cute, slightly heavy, no scratch that, voluptuous girl, with dirty blonde hair beaded on one side, that was looking at me with those sexy eyes and beautiful natural large breasts, that it just got me in the mood to go to my wild side and that I had to have her! We were leaving in the morning to head to Pattaya, so we had made a pact to accept no girl short-term (meaning two hours), they had to stay “long time” (all night). Hey, we were living large, remember? So this voluptuous sex kitten comes over and sits by us, and when we find out that she could only do “short time,” we bowed our heads in sadness and parted ways. But we remembered where she worked and told her that we’d be back next week. She left with some fat Asian dude. Broke my heart. While Spanky’s was a very nice club, the slowness of the dancing shows was putting me to sleep and I needed a caffeine fix. So since they didn’t serve coffee, I left my friends and headed over to the next club, AngelWitch. The very cool thing about this club was, not only did they have really hot women and played great music, but they also served great coffee. So while I’m drinking my coffee, I’m carefully undressing the girls with my eyes, trying to find my next victim (I know now how it feels to be a vampire, without all of the side effects). I believed that I’d found the one I wanted, when my buddy walked in with the girl (who was the star of the last club’s show), joined me, and started examining my choices. His girl turned down all of my picks as not being wild enough and told me that there are better girls on the third and fourth floors. Strange, I’m intrigued. I had been to Nana Plaza three nights and I didn’t remember the fourth floor. So we headed out and started checking other clubs, working our way down from the fourth floor.

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